You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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