goodnight i made you a song goodbye
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
