a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
