How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
