I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
