We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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