just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
you never un-have a 4some
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
