Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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