ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Randomize
