Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
