...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
it's like iHOP with fire
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
