There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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