Umm I'm too high to move.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
