break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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