It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
