You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
