You just made me feel so damn special
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
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As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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