I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You dont lie about slip and slides
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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