is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
