We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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