So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
