I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
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