now i know why i became what i already was.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
