I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
