We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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