yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Randomize
