dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
