And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
