I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
