my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
