areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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