As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
