After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
