I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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