I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
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I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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