i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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