How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
