I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
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