threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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