ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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