Swine flu. Run for my life!
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
