My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize