So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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