he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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