Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize