So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
