remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
