Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
