She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
