she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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