I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
