Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need moral support for this bender
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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