i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
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