Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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