I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
