Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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