Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
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