Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
