So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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