Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
