i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
