I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
