This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
