yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
