eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
