i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I faked an abortion last night.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
it was like having sex with a tree stump
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
