My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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