Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
