ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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