I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
