3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
two words: eviction party
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
