i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
