why didn't you poke me back
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Houston, we have a squirter
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
